ANNETTE AND FRANKIE SAYS RELAX

My first YouTube upload in a long time. It's not great, but at least it's done.

Views as of now: 143,526

BOY TOY CAR

OKAY, OKAY! YOU CAN MAKE "VROOM, VROOM"
NOISES WHILE YOU PUSH YOUR HOT WHEELS
CAR UP AND DOWN MY ABS AGAIN.
BUT THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE LAST TIME!

FIRE FLY ON THE WALL

Having exhausted the episodes of COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF, I'm using Hulu to watch other shows I didn't watch when it was actually on. Today it's FIREFLY, and look whom I found as the younger version of one of the characters.

I'm surprised that I actually recognized a pubescent Zac Efron. And I'm wondering what he did to the gap in his front teeth. It's certainly not there now.

Not that I've studied his face or anything.

Views as of now: 143,385

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM

HAVING LOST THEIR FAITH IN THE STRENGTH
OF COLUMNS OF CONCRETE AND STEEL, THE
ATLANTIC CITY COUNCIL INSTEAD HIRED GUYS
LIKE TODD TO HOLD UP THE BOARDWALK.

WARM FRONT PAGE NEWS

WHEN HE HAD SOME SPARE TIME, SIMON
WOULD PUT ON ONE OF HIS BOW TIES AND
WORK ON HIS SECRET PLANS FOR HIS NEXT
CAREER. WHEN MODELING GOT OLD, HE
WOULD BECOME THE WORLD'S SEXIEST
WEATHERMAN.

photo of Simon Nessman,
no relation to Les

TRAINED BIRD ACT OF KINDNESS

ALL PARKER COULD DO WAS WATCH AS
THE CROW FLEW AWAY WITH HIS SHIRT.

GOOD GOING, CROW.

HEADDRESSED TO KILL

IT WAS A GREAT PHOTO, BUT SEEING IT MADE
THE PRINTERS REALIZE THAT IT WAS SILLY
TO TRY TO MARKET A MORE MODERN, SEXIER
BIG CHIEF TABLET.

photo of Paper Airplane
by Monique Zoellner

DEAD MAN WALKING THE RUNWAY

ULTIMATELY, THE IDEA OF DESIGNER SHROUDS
NEVER CAUGHT ON, BUT CERTAINLY NO ONE
COULD BLAME PHILLIP FOR THAT.

photo of Philip Fusco
I just wish I knew who took it

Views as of now: 142,485

ELBOW REST OF THE STORY

ARE YOU SURE YOU'VE ARM-WRESTLED BEFORE?
AREN'T WE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A TABLE
OR SOMETHING?

photo of Ryan Daharsh
by Michael Anthony Downs
for All-American Guys

CREEK WITHOUT A PADDLE MY BUTT

SCOTT WAS ALL SMILES UNTIL HE REALIZED
HE'D PAID SO MUCH MONEY TO HIS PERSONAL
TRAINER THAT HE COULD NO LONGER AFFORD
A BOAT.

photo of Scott Herman
from Fantasies of a Virgin

Views as of now: 172,106

HALF-HITCH YOUR WAGON TO THE STARS

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I HAD A BODY
LIKE THIS FOR A WHILE.

BUT EVENTUALLY HE WORKED
THE KNOTS LOOSE AND GOT AWAY.

COMMENTS:
Vera said...
I just get so tired of people photoshopping other people's heads on pictures of my body.

Yeah, I know what you mean. But whose head did they use?

He looks enough like Jake Campione that I'd like to know him, too.

Kenneth Johnson aka Sebastien Penn said...
the lips look a bit freaky, gotta say, in that yellow color.

I agree. The yellow was pure enough, but when I added
it to the black-and-white photo it turned a bit green.
I'll change it when I have time.

Xersex said...
I believe you, and I'm just dreaming (or better, imaging) of you and how much you should be beautiful!!!!

Don't believe me. It's just a joke.
And don't ever think I'm beautiful.
I can barely spell the word.

OVAL OFFICE BOY

Stuck at work this evening, I turned to hulu to entertain me. Browsing down the list of available shows for one I might be interested in watching, I came across COMMANDER IN CHIEF, that Geena-Davis-as-the-VP-turned-President, WEST WING knock-off that always looked vaguely interesting but that I never got to see.

So I started watching it tonight.

And if I'd known that the president's son was the tasty Matt Lanter, I'd have made arrangements to see it when it was still on the air.

For some reason, they named his character Horace, but as far as
I can see, that's the only thing unattractive about him.

And I really wonder who has photos of him taken when he was
a high school gymnast in Atlanta. Or bat boy for the Braves.

Views as of now: 141,905

RED/BLUE BLURRY VISION

Diana, Hal, and Arthur all made fun of his cape.
Bruce didn't see the point in it because it wasn't
"scary." And Jonn never mentioned it.

Some people thought it was for aerodynamics. Some
thought it was for warmth. Some thought it was
for style or some kind of homage to his home planet.

No one knew that he wore that cape to keep
people for checking out his sweet ass.

Views as of now: 141,236

TREATY OF PARIS HILTON

Over at Are you there, Blog?, Stephen asks on of my favourite unpleasant questions.

Why do the adults in this country continue to talk like
and live their lives as if they were all 8 year old girls
passing notes in a middle school math class?

Short answer: Because so many of us learned our social skills in junior high and never got beyond them.

Longer, and more political answer: I know that most people say that "school is where you are supposed to learn social skills," but there is no possible way an 11-year-old kid can teach another 11-year-old kid to behave like an adult. Children learn to be mature and reasonable grown-ups by being around mature and reasonable grown-ups, by seeing how they act and react to situations and then emulating them.

And society has changed so that there are fewer mature and reasonable grown-ups to go around. At first this was an unintentional negative side effect of a good thing: after WWII, mothers began to work outside the home, leaving children to fend for themselves more and more.

But after 1970, societal changes were more underhanded, more evil. After seeing how years of too much affluence, too much freedom, and too much public education turned middle class kids into campus-striking, flag-burning hippies, the conservatives got really scared. (And I'm saying "conservative" in the original meaning of the word: people with money, power, and security who are fighting to keep it).

So school standards were lowered, curricula were watered down with extracurricular fluff, and too-leftwing special interests were permitted to turn schools into social centers where it was more important to feel proud of yourself than to actually accomplish anything to feel proud of. At the same time, big business stepped up the use of advertising to turn human beings into impulse buyers who wanted their lives to look like the fantasies they see on television. In the 50s, Lucy Ricardo and Ralph Kramden had realistic money problems. In the 90s, Monica and Rachael had a great apartment and stylish clothes in New York City, even though they talked about being broke.

I'm not saying this was an organized conspiracy to wipe out the middle class. Maybe there were a few think-tank types who had these ideas (Look up Allen Greenspan's comments on how much unemployment is good and why sometime.), but for the most part it was just people making executive decisions that were best for themselves, but they were simultaneously contributing to a society where fun is king, rights are more important than responsibilities, real news has become show biz gossip, and where you're nothing if your clothes don't have the right logos on them.

So we end up with a nation where a majority of people like gossipy pre-teens because that's all they've learned. And now many of them are old enough to be parents, so they're kids will have an even harder time learning to be grown-ups.

And don't think I'm opposed to all childishness. I enjoy cutting loose as much as the next uptight, sexually repressed guy, and I'm all for "letting kids be kids" when and where it's appropriate, but they need to learn when and where that is. Wanna plaster the walls of your bedroom with pictures of your favourite American Idol contestant? Go for it. Wanna plaster your cubicle at work? No. Don't. Grow up.

And sometimes I really just want to have a little Ward Cleaver talk with the USA until it learns its lesson and then ground it until it changes its ways.

Views as of now: 140,966

King-sized Bedouin

For the last time, I wear whatever I want
and you and your Labour Day be damned!

Views as of now: 140,895