NEIGHBOURHOOD WATCH YOUR BACK

WORDS FOR WEDNESDAY

Some jackass once wrote to Dear Abby,
saying that a gay couple had moved
into the house across the street and
asking what he could do to
improve his neighbourhood.

She told him, "You could move."

Views as of now: 453,351

CHOCO LOT TO THINK ABOUT

WORDS FOR WEDNESDAY

"If God was a woman she would have
made sperm taste like chocolate."
- Carrie Snow

What kind of -oholic would that make me then?

Views as of now: 448,064

HARD KNOCK LIFE COACH

WORDS FOR WEDNESDAY

"When I hear somebody sigh, 'Life is hard,"
I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what'?"
— Sydney J. Harris

URINATION BUILDING

WORDS FOR WEDNESDAY

"Friendship is like peeing on yourself:
Everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling
that it brings." — Porsche Anthony

MEN OF THE DROP CLOTH

WORDS FOR WEDNESDAY

Sex is like art. Most of it is pretty bad, and the good stuff is out of your price range. — Scott Roeben

Quotation stolen from The Slab

ONE TRICK PONY RIDES AWAY

WORDS FOR WEDNESDAY

"Sanity is a one trick pony. All you have is rational thought. But when you're good and loony, the sky's the limit!" — The Tick

A SWING AND A MISS CHATELAINE

"I'm starting to like country music.
I really like that KD Lang, but don't y'all think he's a little effeminate?"

- Sarah Helms

Views as of now: 117,872

TUMBLING TUMBLEWEED WACKER

"The drive across Texas can be simulated by staring at a wall
for twelve hours."

- Philip Defranco

I don't know whether he's part of the impossibly thin Defranco family from the Seventies or not, but he's funny. Usually.

Views as of now: 111,909

SWEENEY TODDLER

"Omnipotence:
Wanna get me some of that."

- Stewie Griffin

Views as of now: 110,114

TOM AND GERIATRIC

"There's nothing wrong
with putting Jesus
on the Florida license plates.
He's a 2000-year-old Jew.
Where else would he live?" - Bill Maher

Views as of now: 105,619

TAKING THE PLEDGE CLASS

"If you're gay, you already have better ways
to bond with men than joining a fraternity.
They're for fucking assholes,
not fucking assholes." - Bill Maher

Views as of now: 102,597

THE ONLY THING WE HAVE TO FEARMONGERING

"I was gonna start off with the flu,
but then I thought...

'More people have lost their jobs than have the flu.
More people have been tortured than have the flu.
More people are in danger of losing their homes than have the flu'."

- whichever comedian was guest-hosting
for Ed Schultz last night.

Not to turn a conspiracy-nuttist on you, but many of us noticed that during the presidency of Bush the Lesser every time there was a big news story that was damning to the administration, the six corporations that control most of the news suddenly all began talking about something else. (I'll collect a list of examples and get back to you.)

And it's happened again. After last Thursday's release of memos about the torture of prisoners and the violation of international law (including a treaty practically written by Ronald Reagan himself), more people have begun calling for a real investigation into these matters.

And now that "farm flu" (swine plus other animals) is spreading quickly, the news media can't talk about anything else.

I'm not saying the illness isn't a real threat, and I'm definitely not saying that the flu originated in some secret lab in Cheney's bunker. But I am saying that the heads of the five families... uh, corporations are exploiting this disease to scare people into becoming profit-making news junkies and conveniently distract people from embarrassing certain pro-business politicos who don't want allegations of torture to be investigated.

Don't let yourself be distracted:
protect yourself from the flu
AND
pressure your representatives to have the torture issue investigated.

EARTH. LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT.

"What we have done for ourselves
alone dies with us; what we have
done for others and the world
remains and is immortal."
- Albert Pike

Views as of now: 93,747

TURN TO THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON

Question #25:
Has Jimmy Fallon ever said anything you thought was funny?

"If you play DARK SIDE OF THE MOON
while you watch HOLY GRAIL,
I guarantee you're not getting laid." - Jimmy Fallon

Views as of now: 86,257

COMMENTS
tommy c said...
HA!

Wow, Tommy! You must have really liked this
for it to get you to use you shift key for once.

NON-FISH CALLED WANDA

Question #14:
If homosexuality is a choice, then are straight people straight because they chose not to be gay?

Views as of now: 68,228

PILLOW TALKING POINT

Question #1:
So, why are you single?

"I love being single. It's like being rich." - Kinsey Millhone in D is for Deadbeat

Views as of now: 66,263

PLACE YOUR BETTE MIDLER

"The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet." - Damon Runyon

HAWK AND DOVE BAR

"I gave up Catholicism for Lent."

Views as of now: 57,101

BOUNCING BOY-AR-DEE

"I'm not normally a praying man,
but if you're up there,
please save me, Superman!"

— Homer Simpson

Views as of now: 55,310

BEWARE OF DOGMA

"I will not attack your doctrines nor your creeds if they accord liberty to me.

"If they hold thought to be dangerous - if they aver that doubt is a crime, then I attack them one and all, because they enslave the minds of men. "

- Robert Ingersoll

Views as of now: 45,340