Meanwhile, at Texts from Last Night...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America