Writer's Block Aid

During the week, these random ideas come to me. Some are amusing; some, seemingly profound. And usually I think something like "Cool. I'll talk about that next Thursday."

But, of course, I don't write them down, so when Thursday comes around I can't remember any of them.

This is where that "writer's journal" (read that with a tone of mocking condescension, the way I typed it), that I've been told repeatedly I should have, would come in handy, but I don't have one. Which really means "I don't use one." Having one is the easy part. This place is littered with blank notebooks of various sizes and shapes. (Damn my sad addiction to buying office supplies! Honestly, in Staples, I'm like Imelda Marcos visiting Manolo Blahnik.)

I suppose the really responsible thing to do would be to not only write down these random ideas, but also to choose one well in advance of Thursday and start writing earlier. To go through a couple of drafts and revisions, so that when Thursday arrived, I'd have some crisp, polished piece of writing, and not just another aw-Hell-let's-just-type-and-see-what-happens kind of meandering.

The literary equivalent of drool from a baby's mouth.

But these ramblings of mine may be the most honest thing I do. With everything else, I worry about the impression I make. "I want to say X, but how would that make me look?" I wonder. I could talk about this or that, but what would people say.

Even here, in the magic anonymity of the Internet where seemingly anything goes, I edit and censor myself. I'm still afraid to be terribly honest (but pat myself on the back for feeling a bit guilty about it) lest I not be well-liked.

I may talk a lot (a lot!) about integrity and honesty, when so often, when it comes right down to it, I still react like a 7th grade boy who wants to be popular.

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