Happy Father's Day,
to all the dads (and daddies) out there.
As for my own father, that's not an easy topic to explain. When I was very young, he terrified me with his violent and unpredictable temper and his verbal and physical abuse. Some of you must be able to relate. C'mon, you know the words: "Quit crying, or I'll ..."
Then he died just before I turned seven, so I never got to learn to see any other side of him. In my memory, he's always been just the dangerous tyrant, and for many years that affected how I perceived all men.
I think that's why I like to imagine having sons of my own: so I can do a little mental exploration of how I would do things differently and what kind of men they'd become because of me.
But underneath that is the fear that I'd be more like him than I imagine. We do have remarkably similar personalities sometimes (again, comparing myself to my 6-year-old's memory of him), and I know that one of the hardest things to do in life is to not grow up to be like your parents. Just think of all those things that you, as a kid, promised you'd never say. Then one day you're a bit stressed and you find yourself opening your mouth and your mom or dad's words come out. "Just do it because I said so." It's usually just surprising and a little amusing, but if your father was violent and abusive, it's potentially scary.
So that's why I only have imaginary kids. They're great kids, by the way: smart and funny and a lot more athletic than I ever was. And with imaginary kids there's no downside. Never once have I had to change a diaper or replace a broken anything or fork over allowance cash. No pain, all gain.
Of course, the other big reason is that I much prefer frat boys to lingerie models.
Usually, anyway.
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1 comment:
no clue as to the type of parent i would have been. if i were a straight guy, i would have been a much different person, so i can't tell how i'd be as a parent.
sorry that you have negative memory of your father. try to recognize that he trying to be the best father he knew how to be. maybe he was raised in a home where such abuse was the norm and he thought that's how you parent a child.
i find it's my siblings who now use on me the phrase that i heard from my parents. it's asking a question with the correct answer to the question included. "You're not going to ___________, are you?" Insert any action you want in the blank space. and my family wondered why i was sometimes frozen with indecision. sigh.
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