BIRTHDAY BOY TO MAN

Happy 20th Birthday, Alex.
I have a present for you, but you'll have
to lie down for me to give it to you.

And you might want these goggles, too.

Photo stolen from
Vera's Big Gay Blog

BITE ME. NO, I MEAN SERIOUSLY: BITE ME.

So I finally got around to reading the Rolling Stone cover story on Taylor Lautner that came out in December. (I actually bought the issue to read Matt Taibi's article on Obama replacing Progressive advisers with Wall Street cronies, but I haven't actually done the work to translate that Escher drawing of an article into English, yet.)

So I finished the Sharkboy interview first. And the ending left me with a big question. Check out this excerpt:

Lautner says that he's never been promiscuous: "Yeah, I would need to know the person. I'm really big about, like, commitment. Loyalty is a major thing for me."

Just before that Neil Straus had gently asked him about "other possibilities," about Lautner as a "young person trying to figure out his sexual identity in the world."

Then Lautner used the word "person."

It's stupid and even dangerous to read too much into a word or two, but the gender-neutral pronoun "person" to describe some hypothetical love interest. And that's an old trick that confused people and closeted homosexuals have used for years. 'do it myself, even. If you can't say "he" and don't want to say "she," go with the neutral "one" or "someone." Or "the person."

So there's a possibility. And, to be honest, the dirty old man in my brain keeps yelling, "Woo hoo! Fresh meat!"

But the bigger, nicer, more understanding and supportive part of my brain want to tell him, "You're young, little brother. Take the time to figure out want you want, who you are, and then pursue that. And don't let concern for your career stop you: audiences are more accepting than they used to be, and there are other ways of life after all.

"But don't lie to yourself and others to keep a job, or you may end up bat-shit crazy, jumping over a couch on national television."

Views as of now: 210,588

MISTAKEN IDENTITY CRISIS

Look what I just saw at AllAmericanGuys:

Okay, so plus 1 point for taking advantage
Action Alex's bone structure to attract custom,
but minus 5 points for thinking he's a USAmerican.

Views as of now: 209,647
What the Hell?
30,000 hits in two days!

HOW LOHAN CAN YOU GO?

Views as of now: 173,353

SEXY STUD, DEAD LEATHER JACKET

This is actually practical. The fur coat
is there to keep the leather jacket warm,
because metal studs can hurt
like Hell when it's cold.

So I was doing my daily check-in at Auntie Vera's 'blog, and as part of an item about Justin Beiber, who I know just enough about to know that I don't want to know any more, there's a link to some online magazine called VMAN. Well, I followed it (It's all about clothes and pretty faces, so I'm fairly sure now that the V stands for vacuous) and there was Simon Nessman again, looking all good enough to swallow whole.

I know it seems like this guy is everywhere lately, but I only notice where he's not. Namely, right here.

And yes, I have noticed that this neglected little Weblog of mine looks more and more like the Simon Nessman Appreciation Society. And I'm okay with that. Because it turns out he's half-Austrian too, and we halb-Oestereichern have to stick together.

Views as of now: 171,045

LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT OSCAR, OSCAR, OSCAR

Guess who would've been ninety years old today?

Tony Randall, 26 Feb 1920 - 17 May 2004,
as he appeared in MEASURE FOR MEASURE
at Northwestern University in April 1938.

"There's only one thing worse than a man
who doesn't have strong likes and dislikes,
and that's a man who has strong likes and dislikes
without the courage to voice them. "

COLONEL MUSTARD SHOES

Okay, this is my new favourite picture,
except for that lucky, lucky waifish
bitch in the middle.

I wonder if I could...



There, that's much better.

MRS. PEACOCK TEASE

If you think the new Professor Plum is hot,
just wait 'til you see the new Colonel Mustard.

This photo of Simon
from Major Models.

LOVE FOR CELLULITE

My thanks to Stephen for introducing me to the Batman & Robin Comic Generator.

And now I think I'll have to do this to more comic book frames. Have scanner, will mock.

Hits as of now: 168,727

BUT CAN HE SING "ONLY THE LONELY"?

Now that his designer 3D goggles have arrived
at last, Simon can finally see Avatar in HD.

This photo of Simon
from American Urge.

STARING CONTEST OF WILLS

Now that Kerry has mastered look that can
make people do anything, he's ready to start
working on Blue Steel.

HAIR PRODUCT MANAGER

He'd rather fight than switch
styling gels.

Photo of Arthur Sales
from Made in Brazil